This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ---------------------- multipart/alternative attachment Zen thoughts from my Californian Friend: 1 Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone. 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. 3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. 4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any. 5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. 6. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else. 7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 8. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. 11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. 12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. 13. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield. 14 Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time. 15. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. 16. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. 17. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. ----------------------------------------------------------------- --------------- - THE PAOMNNEHAL PWEOR OF THE HMUAN MNID AOCCDRNIG TO A RSCHEEARCH AT CMABRIGDE UINERVTISY, IT DEOSN'T MTTAER IN WAHT OREDR THE LTTEERS IN A WROD ARE, THE OLNY IPRMOATNT TIHNG IS TAHT THE FRIST AND LSAT LTTEER BE IN THE RGHIT PCLAE. THE RSET CAN BE A TAOTL MSES AND YOU CAN SITLL RAED IT WOUTHIT A PORBELM. TIHS IS BCUSEAE THE HUAMN MNID DEOS NOT RAED ERVEY LTETER BY ISTLEF, BUT THE WROD AS A WLOHE. P.S. The above is not Esparanto ----------------------------------------------------------------- --------------- This is what will happen in Canada, if the Green Party forms the Government : Peg, the tree hugging greenie, purchased a large tract of land on the West Coast South of Hokitika to save it from being clearfelled. There was a very tall tree on the highest point of her property. She wanted to see all of her land, so she began climbing the tree in a "bear hug" fashion. As she neared the top she was suddenly attacked by an angry possum. In a panic to escape, she let loose her grip with her arms and legs and slid down the trunk at an ever increasing speed. Consequently, she managed to get many splinters in the area of her private parts. In very considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest Doctor, who worked at the large logging camp nearby. He calmly listened to her story, then told her to go into the examination room, where he would try to ease her suffering. She went into the room, sat down with much discomfort and waited for over three hours before the Doctor reappeared. Outraged, Peg demanded "What took you so long"? The unperturbed Doctor replied: "Well I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Authority, the Forestry Commission, the Maori Affairs Department, the Department of Land Management, the Waitangi Tribunal and Resource Consent, before I could remove old-growth timber and moss from a recreational area. ----------------------------------------------------------------- --------------- This is the reply I received from one of my correspondents in response to a recent e-mail of mine concerning the origins of some phrases which are now commonplace in our language :( Don't say the internet is not educational ) DEPARTMENT OF THE NAVY -- NAVAL HISTORICAL CENTER 805 KIDDER BREESE SE -- WASHINGTON NAVY YARD WASHINGTON DC 20374-5060 Brass Monkey The word "monkey" is of uncertain origin; its first known usage was in 1498 when it was used in the literary work Reynard the Fox as the name of the son of Martin the Ape. "Monkey" has numerous nautical meanings, such as a small coastal trading vessel, single masted with a square sail of the 16th and 17th centuries; a small wooden cask in which grog was carried after issue from a grog-tub to the seamen's messes in the Royal Navy; a type of marine steam reciprocating engine where two engines were used together in tandem on the same propeller shaft; and a sailor whose job involved climbing and moving swiftly (usage dating to 1858). A "monkey boat" was a narrow vessel used on canals (usage dating to 1858); a "monkey gaff" is a small gaff on large merchant vessels; a "monkey jacket" is a close fitting jacket worn by sailors; "monkey spars" are small masts and yards on vessels used for the "instruction and exercise of boys;" and a "monkey pump" i s a straw used to suck the liquid from a small hole in a cask; a "monkey block" was used in the rigging of sailing ships; "monkey island" is a ship's upper bridge; "monkey drill" was calisthenics by naval personnel (usage dating to 1895); and "monkey march" is close order march by US Marine Corps personnel (usage dating to 1952). [Sources: Cassidy, Frederick G. and Joan Houston Hall eds. Dictionary of American Regional English. vol.3 (Cambridge MA: Harvard University Press, 1996): 642; Wilfred Granville. A Dictionary of Sailors' Slang (London: Andre Deutch, 1962): 77; Peter Kemp ed. Oxford Companion to Ships & the Sea. (New York: Oxford University; Press, 1976): 556; The Oxford English Dictionary. New York: Oxford University Press, 1933; J.E. Lighter ed. Random House Historical Dictionary of American Slang. (New York: Random House, 1994): 580.; and Eric Partridge A Dictionary of Slang and Unconventional English. 8th ed. (New York : Macmillan Publishing Company): 917.] "Monkey" has also been used within an ordnance context. A "monkey" was a kind of gun or cannon (usage dating to 1650). "Monkey tail" was a short hand spike, a lever for aiming a carronade [short-sight iron cannon]. A "powder monkey" was a boy who carried gun powder from the magazine to cannons and performed other ordnance duties on a warship (usage dating to 1682). [Source: The Oxford English Dictionary. New York: Oxford University Press, 1933.] The first recorded use of the term "brass monkey" appears to dates to 1857 when it was used in an apparently vulgar context by C.A. Abbey in his book Before the Mast, where on page 108 it says "It would freeze the tail off a brass monkey." [Source: Lighter, J.E. ed. Random House Historical Dictionary of American Slang. (New York: Random House, 1994): 262.] It has often been claimed that the "brass monkey" was a holder or storage rack in which cannon ball s (or shot) were stacked on a ship. Supposedly when the "monkey" with its stack of cannon ball became cold, the contraction of iron cannon balls led to the balls falling through or off of the "monkey." This explanation appears to be a legend of the sea without historical justification. In actuality, ready service shot was kept on the gun or spar decks in shot racks (also known as shot garlands in the Royal Navy) which consisted of longitudinal wooden planks with holes bored into them, into which round shot (cannon balls) were inserted for ready use by the gun crew. These shot racks or garlands are discussed in: Longridge, C. Nepean. The Anatomy of Nelson's Ships. (Annapolis MD: Naval Institute Press, 1981): 64. A top view of shot garlands on the upper deck of a ship-of-the-line is depicted in The Visual Dictionary of Ships and Sailing. New York: Dorling Kindersley, 1991): 17. "Brass monkey" is also the nickname for the Cunard Line's house flag which depi cts a gold lion rampant on a red field. [Source: Rogers, John. Origins of Sea Terms. (Mystic CT: Mystic Seaport Museum, 1984): 23.] ----------------------------------------------------------------- --------------- 2 May 2001 gos-sip (gósip) 1. n. easy, fluent, trivial talk ¦ an instance of this, she dropped in for a gossip ¦ talk about people behind their backs ¦ a person who indulges in gossip 2. v.i. to talk idly, chatter esp. about people gós-sip-y adj. [O.E. godsibb, baptismal sponsor fr. god, God + sibb, akin] The New Lexicon Webster's Dictionary of the English Language 1988 Edition --- Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com). 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