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It is 6:26 PM and I have been working since 10 AM on one tax
return. A Canadian with income earned and taxes to file in
Arizona, California, Colorado, Georgia, Illinois, Missouri, New
York, Oregon and Utah, as well as Canada. He also worked in
Nevada, Florida and Washington States but there are no tax
returns to file there.. The foreign tax Credits are a real work
of art. Oh yes, I had to fix a small boo boo from 2001 as well.
This makes Brian Calder's submission all the more apropos. Enjoy
please.
FW: FW : Bad Pun Day Starters
1. Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve
you, but
don't start anything."
3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't
serve
food in here."
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm
and says:
"A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The
ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was brilliant.
7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:
"Does this
taste funny to you?"
8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not
unusual."
9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly,
I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you." said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman.The kids were
nothing to look at either.
11. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm
positive..."
12. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.
13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed, is
there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks up
the dog and
examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm
going to
have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."
15. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.
16. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid
that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "Hell no, the
steaks are
too high."
17. A man came round in the hospital after a serious accident. He
shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I
know you can't, I've cut off your arms."
18. I went to a seafood disco rave last week.... and pulled a
mussel.
19. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit
a fire in
the craft, it sank. This proves once and for all that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.
20. A man walks into a doctor's office. "What seems to be the
problem?"
asks the doc.
"It's... um... well... I have five penises" replies the man.
"Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?"
"Like a glove."
21. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
22. Two termites walk into a bar.
One asked, "Is the bar tender here?"
23. A drunk walks into a bar.
"Ouch!" he says.
And Remember! Be ALERT - The world need more "LERTS"
david ingram - [email protected]
108-100 Park Royal South
West Vancouver, BC, CANADA, V7T 1A2
(604) 913-9133 - (604) 913-9123 www.centa.com
Cell is (604) 657-8451 (10 AM to 10 PM seven days a week)
US / CANADA / MEXICO
Working Visa and Income Tax Specialists
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